<div id="17837_kdub1">So much in mind</div> - Vibration of Perceptions
Friday, December 24, 2004
So much in mind
Yes, it's that time of the year when thoughts are flooded in my head and I can't seem to be able to manage them well. And the frequency of things happening is so fast that I'm unable to catch up with myself. Oh, and the last two weeks has been awesome. The most important part of it all was I remember who I was. Though not at all pleasant, but I no longer feel lost. (:p I'm a whacko driver, muahahaha!!!)
As part of growing up, we tend to *delete* the bad and *install* the good in ourselves. Through the process, one must never ever forget who himself was or his origin, which tend to happen. (even trying to keep away from my mom's influences GRRRR...)
Though there are bad times and good times, it's important to have a positive outlook in life at all times. My cousin told me, you never really grow up (or mature) unless you know how to smile and laugh even when the world is all against you. It makes sense, in so many ways. How you feel when you are around others, often affects the way the other responce to you.
For most of the people around me, those that reach a point where they began feeling different and insecure over the way they lead their life, often falls to the following methods as their spiritual sanctuary.
Converting religion (mostly to Christianity), seeks for a mate (or still searching), joins an active social life (as distraction),
Although all of them seems so unrelated, but it makes sense how these *distraction* gives them security and
<div id="99949_kdub1">What happened to me?</div> - Vibration of Perceptions
Saturday, December 18, 2004
What happened to me?
First, I must appologise about my previous entry, I wasn't exactly concious when I wrote it, sorta having a brain dead yet surviving situation. By the way, the "she" I've mentioned, is my mom.
I have been really busy for the last few days. Been visiting friends, shopping, driving around town, going to movies with friends, late outings in hawker stalls. You know... the usual. Something which I've not done for a long time. Had some very long chats with parents, and its nice to know that someone in this world still cares about me, although they are afterall my parents.
Today was my best day out, I met my high school friends. Somehow, these are the only people that I feel comfortable with, and somehow, there are nobody else in this world that can compare with them. It's like before, I feel so happy around them, chatting about stuff like the world has no boundaries. No doubt these people are all geniuses (medic students), and there is nothing I can compare with them. But these are also the people that makes me feel accepted, and that I'm always part of the crowd. Unlike what I have been through for the past whole year.
To get to hang out with them, is like treasure to me. Just too bad we don't get to see them all the time. I'm really wondering why I enjoy their company so much. Maybe it's their wits, maybe its the bond, maybe its that they are not so sensitive. It has never been so easy for me to hang around people for months.
These people (high school), are unlike college mates, or course mates. We have a more general and positive outlook in life. And somehow, they always have a good impression of me, for some reason. What happened in the past few months has been terribly stressful to me, I entirely lost myself, not knowing who I really am. This trip home refreshes my memory about how not-use-less I am at all.
No matter how much you learn, or change. There is one thing you must never forget, that is who you are. I came across an entry from this girl, Chansaire, which meantioned something similar to it. And honestly, it's really true. Saying this, it's true that I totally forgotten who I were (for one whole year), and that feeling of being lost is absolutely horrible. To a point where your spirit is broken.
There are plenty in my mind at the moment. There are doubts about my future, my new found physical illness (will elaborate), doubts about how to solve those rumours that are going around about me (which has travel through all around the internet), about what would happen to my family, doubts about how I shall continue my course, about how I will face this circle of problems again without help at all.
No matter what happens, I know there are friends and family that will stand by me.
A dumbass doing something useless yet still refuse to give up doing it.
